(no subject)

[spoke]

had... calling it a breakdown feels pretenious, but i was crying last night, and i hardly ever do that. snifle, and whine, yes. actually cry? nuh-uh.

thinking about everything, but most especially needing to learn to drive, and then get a job... and went from there to i can't do anything right, i suck at everything.

i don't know. maybe i'm just moody. maybe if i get somethings finished, like Lark for Tenshi, i'll feel better.

towards which end, i have bleached the paper i'm going to use for Lark. this thing is turning into something rather different than what i set out to do. but then, i have really tried to draw since highschool, until i made my silly little icons for my lj, and i never was good/interested in drawing people. (these two facts may be related, but i don't see how. noo.)

i just keep worrying if its good enough, and will she like, or will she be offended b my awful drawing... (some part of me is saying this is silly and irrational, but i can't /feel/ that way, only think it.)

just... damn it, i'm going to get this thing finished, or at least halfway, today. i am not going to have my sister move out, taking her computer with her, and be stuck in infinite limbo over this.

Comments

*hugs!*

[feartotread.livejournal.com]

oh, hon. you don't have to worry about me not liking anything you do. ^_^ I'm jsut thrilled to death that what I wrote makes you want to produce something, no matter how hard it is or how out of practice you are. I know how much heart and soul you're putting into it, and thinking about it, and all that, and that is going to show, no matter what. it gives me a chance to see a little through your eyes.

As for work and driving, don't worry. It'll happen. ^_^ the number of times you fail your driver's test doesn't make a lick of difference when you actually get your license. And you will. and a job, too. just hang in there. ^_^

Re: *hugs!*

[spoke.livejournal.com]

thank you! this made me feel a lot better about the art. it's just frustrating to keep thinking 'i can do better' and to have the image clear in my head, and not be able to get it on the page. :(

but i'm trying to get it finished, (before my sister leaves) and i'll probably try again later on. i have this feeling i'm falling back into a pattern of 'not until it's good enough' and since it's never 'good enough', nothing is ever finished. (rolls eyes@ self)

thank you, again. (hugs back)