spoke

So worn out. My sis and her kids are gone, and I don't know. It was nice while they were here, but now I'm back to feeling uncreative and depressed. x.x PMS-ing, too, so that doesn't help.

So I was poking at this thing http://iwl.me/ and got everything from Dan Brown (x.x) to Oscar Wilde, J. K. Rowling, Chuck Palahniuk, and Stephen King and H.P. Lovecraft with things where I was trying to be creepy.

Now I'm just sad because, well, don't I have a style of my own?

Then I look at the art I've got scanned, and the writing that is finished - even some of the ones that aren't - and it's like... I know I do, but I can't pull my act together. It's not consistent. :/

Sometime this weekend I will share some of that art - I just can't run anything else on this computer when I've got Paintshop open. Old computer is oooold.

Two things that I've mostly stopped doing, that I used to do all the time when I was more productive - taking notes, and trying to be lyrical when I'm writing. Because maybe I do get distracted, but if I'm not feeling the beauty in it I seem not to write at all.

So, going to restart FF9 for the second time this year, and this time pay attention. I think my idea at the start of the year, refreshing myself on everything I love, was good but a little too ambitious - maybe I don't want to write a story for everything, but I can do notes. *nods*

If this works, expect more posting from me, along the lines of "Hi this is a thing I love! This is why I love this thing!" *crossing fingers*

Joy! joyjoyjoy, my game has arrived! :D

I have only watched a smidgen of the beginning though, because it is insanely late for me and I should have been asleep. But with the mail getting opened two days in a row, no way was I leaving it to chance.

Meanwhile, the water is running again and my brother's car didn't get stolen. Or towed. More on that later. @.@

Oh! Oh and it's raining.

For a day that started out lousy and persisted through the night and after work? This is ending on a most lovely note. ^_^

Why all the good/at least okay news has to come at the end of the weekend, I do not know.

But: My brother has talked to Dad at least, and shared his version of events. I honestly have no clue what's true or not and don't care. Mostly I was worried that he was hurt somehow, or just going to vanish forever, which would kill Mom and Dad. So. He is okay, and I can just be somewhat worried about the legal stuff and what happens next.

I winz at math! 94% on the midterm, yep yep. \o/

And some progress on the Yuletide. Not nearly enough, but. Determination to succeed is growing! Also, getting a better grip on the main characters, instead of having supporting cast escape into the night with the plot, hijacking little monsters that they are. :P

It is a bit disturbing that the leading character's voice is not so much talking as extremely derisive laughter. >.> I begin to suspect that I just have a thing for laughter. It is very individual, yes?

So. Now for the sleeping, very much needed. <3 and good writing vibes to all!

Well, still no word on the scholarship or anything else about college.

Of course, I did only send that application on the 26th. Late. Probably it didn't even start moving until the 27th.

As you might guess, I am still insanely nervous and a bit depressed now, too. So I forced myself to get on the phone and at least try to find out what's going on. Apparently no one is in the North Campus's financial aid center, though, since I let that phone ring for two minutes. x.x

And got stuck on hold on the phone for awhile, trying to get through to find anything out about my application. So I decided it's a bit soon for that anyway, and it will be less embarrassing to email them about it. Because I still want to ask. Just not a person, right this minute.

I am way too tired and it's making me weepy, and I still have to go back out to deposit this tiny little refund check from Pepboys, so I'll have money for a bit of gas and the sinus medicine I'm out of.

***

Edit And, yeah, Dad agrees with me about the application and has pointed out that I'll probably be starting in the fall given the summer courses start on the 7th? And I am okay with that. Mostly.

***

And I came home to see the white car that Dad had been letting Larry borrow? Wrecked. Leaking something out of the crunched front. Which completely freaked me out, until Dad called ( after I started writing this entry. I am too wiped out to start over) and let me know everything is okay. So I don't have to walk over to the trailer and worry about hospitals or anything else I was going to do, because Larry and everyone else in the car were fine and that's all I really care about right now.

Now. To hunt up that check and scoot off to the bank, put a smidgen of gas in the car and come home and crash. Physically. Because emotionally I've wrung myself out, here.

Interesting things of the week:

1. My Dad called to tell me my sister was in accident? Started out with "Okay, first thing is everyone's fine, the kids are okay and Patricia wasn't hurt too much" and I'm thinking okay who died?!

Patricia, the kids and the sister-in-law are in Kevin's mom's suv. Sister-in-law is driving. The vehicle hit something and rolled. Only once, thank god, but since my dear genius sister was not wearing her seatbelt? She was thrown around inside the thing. Or as she described "I just sort of floated inside"

So I spent about half the week waiting for her to call me, since every time I tried to call her I got an 'out-of-range' message. Because yeah, Dad said she was okay, only bruised and I think he mentioned a torn muscle? But I wanted to hear my sissie, at that point.

When next I run into her physically, I will of course strangle her for not wearing her freaking seat belt. I don't care if circumstances are such that we don't see each other for 20 years, I'm gonna kill her. Come up to her at her kids' graduations or something and "Hey, remember back in 2007 when you weren't wearing your seat belt? AUGH!!!" and then the cops will take me away.

2. A long time ago, I mentioned looking for this song:

( Does Love )

Well, I found it. ^_^ Kurt Howell When the cd arrives, I will be ripping that to share with everyone. Also I will be listening to it over and over.

3. I have Peeps! Plenty of Peeps. :)

4. Also plenty of mint! In ice cream and candy forms. (yes these things are important ;p )

5. I? Am going to be off when the last Harry Potter comes out. No. Work. When every previous release has seen me picking it up at work. In light of this, I have pre-ordered my copy! From Barnes & Noble, who will call me when it arrives, and who have both my home and cell phone numbers so they are guaranteed to get ahold of me. The squee is killing me already XD

Tentative plans: Order a pizza (something I haven't done forever) and get some kind of dessert - like a nice mint torte! So that I don't have to worry about cooking or anything. Get the book, get coffee at B&N, come home and don't stop reading until I'm done. :D The day before will be full of cleaning and nervous pacing and making sure there's nothing at all to get in the way.

How am I going to survive until June 21st?!

6. Caves This will take a bit of planning...

I? Got nothing done this weekend, through a combination of being easily distracted and kind of depressed.

The self-induced sleep deprivation didn't help either.

But, now I have the information I need to plan my vacation, so that's something. Also something and much more fun - just had a phone call from the sister? They had snow in Alabama, so it is good for something! ;p

She was telling me how much fun the munchkins were having, running around like crazy and trying to catch snowflakes on their tonges. *jealous* And then I talked to them. Or, more accurately, I listened and did not quite understand while they talked at me. And then Michelle sang me a song. And then everyone had to sing Aunty a song.

I think I'm almost out of minutes now. :P

Also, because I decided a while back (and for absolutely no reason) that I was going to add a Lupe to my Neopets account on February 2.

( Meet Kujuurou! )

Now I only need a Hissi and they'll be a happy little family! :o

And I think I shall take this smidgen of a happy mood and run to bed with it, before anything can happen to get me down again. Maybe that way I'll wake up in a better mood.

The family gathering fell through due to car trouble on the other end.

Elizabeth stalled twice while in motion this morning.

And I'm just feeling slightly nauseous and upset. Trying to get myself to calm down, but it just keeps wanting to rise up in a mindless scream or I want to curl up and cry and just. Neither of those things is helpful.

Feeling completely useless and like there's nothing I can do to help myself? Complete bs and also not helpful.

Probably, what I'm going to end up doing is seeing how the car runs tonight, and going from there. (read : if I can put this off until next paycheck I will, and if not it's back to Pepboys and worrying about how much it will cost if I have to leave her with them.)

This weekend, try to make something artsy that is good enough to sell, because I want to believe that I can but putting it off because I'm afraid of failure means never getting anything done - and I really don't want to take a part time job that's just like my full-time job in order to get more money.

Also, watch the SGA Season 1 dvds that I bought while kicking myself over money I shouldn't spend, but we were going to stop carrying them and I wanted them, dammit.

And work on writing if there's time/if I feel inclined, but I am craving an art break anyway.

ETA because I am annoyed with myself for being upset, and because this is a happy link. Those Lacking Spines Go forth, and read the Kingdom Hearts II satire! You don't even need to know KH II to enjoy, though it is slightly spoilerful for those who haven't finished.

But the satire. The choice of heroes and the explanations thereof. ...I want to make icons for the characters from this. *adds that to weekend's to-do list*

In the beginning, there was going off to pay electricity and worrying about my car.

Note the possessive.

While in the drive through, I get a call from Dad. Guess who's been driving on a suspended license? I give you two guesses, and one of my siblings is no longer in this state!

So Larry's been pulled over and they've parked the car, and need me to drive them out there so that Dad can drive it home. I tell Dad that I'm taking my car in to have her looked at, because hello leak.

He asks me if it might be water condensed from the AC running. At which point I actually snapped at him, because what makes him think I don't know what water looks like?! *snarl*

(At this point I should note that I am still in the midst of that state which causes grown men to flee from women like they were the girls.)

He was a bit surprised by that, but had to admit it was an insulting question. So. New plan - I get the car looked at and take them out in the afternoon, when I'm also more awake.

I get up, they eventually get their acts together and we all head out - and it's been towed. Though at first there was some concern it had been stolen, but really. A beat up '86 Buick? Why?

New new plan - Myself and the Dad will be heading out in the morning to retrieve Larry's car from the towing company. Dad has approximate directions but no address, but at least I'll have Dad with me. Since if it was up to me to find this place without an address, we could end up anywhere.

It ends with Larry checking the garage for the stain which I thought came from my car? His car, actually, he recognizes the stuff what's leaking and has parked on my side a couple of times while I was at work.

Of course, I ended up stopping us for coffee and to grab some sugar/milk/pointless junk for breakfast. So between that and learning my car's alright, I've actually ended in a pretty good mood. ^_^

Update from the last time I had anything to post about my sister: They are in Alabama. I have not gotten (been up to receive?) any calls yet, but she called Dad at the beginning of the drive out there, and let him know that the charges had been dropped.

Gee, I wonder why that would happen. Meaning, aside from the fact that That Woman is a lying little %$#@ I would need to know more cuss words to describe her properly.

So I'm sitting here listening to my bubble bath slowly filling, after getting turned around on the way back from my eye appointment. Which went well, as usual - doctor was a little surprised by the improvement. Squee!

I've decided I get there are two kinds of lost - 'lost' lost, where I really have no clue where I am and start to get freaked out, and turned around, usually the result of confusing my highway exits and directions. :P While I'm driving in the car thinking about this, I remember a story Dad used to tell me, passed down from Poppa, that we had an ancestor in the military. Early planes, and the ground people would keep having to radio him 'You're going the wrong way, Horton!' until it became his nickname.

I wonder how it is possible that I seem to have inherited this trait despite having no biological relationship. >.>

And I meant to have an interesting post, with the good things and thoughts that have been happening in the background of the whole mess with my sister, but I'm too tired now.

Plan for tonight: Continue the long-delayed Yu-Gi-Oh Egypt marathon. Get up on time and go get coffee in pursuit of this. Also possibly chocolate to deal with the inevitable sorrow and doom that comes with being attached to the bad guy.

So when I finally woke up and caught my call from the sis - she starts going on and on about how the power has gone out and can she come live her for the duration of until they move, because it's going to take a week for the power to even get back turned on and they don't have the money even if they stayed.

I actually had to get her to stop and tell me what happened with the HRS, which amounts to: Even though it sounds like something might have happened, due to the ex mother-in-law's past history they believe she might have coached Michelle. (Due to the ex mother-in-law's past history, I have firm beliefs about what afterlife she's going to end up in, but that has no relevance on this particular piece of bs she's pulling.) (Patricia was telling them about her, expanding upon the case note stuff they had, like having to get a judge to tell the woman to teach Michelle to call her Mommy and not Trish during the custody battle.)

They're going to wait until Kevin comes back on Monday and talk to him before making a decision.

Meanwhile, I am attempting to get woken up sufficently to drive out there and get them. And I really have no idea how I'm going to deal with the sudden influx of noise, because I love them dearly but I don't handle prolonged exposure to the munchkins well. Tensing up thinking about it.

I could do what I've done in the past and just play video games? 'Watch Aunty gaming' was always a hit before.

ETA: Arrival home at about 11:07! Didn't take long to get what they were bringing and packed into the car, considering we're talking about 4 kids who piled onto me when I showed up at the neighbor's house. Literally piled on, I had to call to thier Mommy 'Help! Falling over!' - between Jonathan jumping so I had to pick him up and everyone else wanting hugs right this minute.

'Can we bring a stuffed animal?'

'Can I bring a different animal?'

'Mom, Michelle has a lightsaber!' 'I found it in the grass!'

*battens down her hatches*

The sis is a lot calmer, though. Mostly because she has dealt with HRS people before who were inclined to believe That Woman. It's always easier working with people who are sympathetic.